You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
