I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
