my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
