3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
