just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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