i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i think i just lost a toe
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
