so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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