maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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