My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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