so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
