if only i could text you this smell
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's shark week go big or go home
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Randomize
