I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
