I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
