i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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