well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
