I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
