Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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