even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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