he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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