she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
