Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Randomize
