Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
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There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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