I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
