New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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