No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Rumble strips road head = magical
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
