What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
