I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so that wasnt chicken after all
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
