Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
