I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just pee around me
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
