I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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