Swine flu. Run for my life!
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
she peed on how many people?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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