the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
