Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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