bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
