Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
