so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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