I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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