We're like a lot better than the average bears
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
