I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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