He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i drank out of a bidet.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My breasts were aching with rage.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
