Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It's blow job season.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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