In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
