I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
