brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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