i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My dick has a subreddit
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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