tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
