I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
