My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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