Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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