Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
