He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
