I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
