I skipped work to stalk him.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
