when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
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My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
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i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
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