i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
