so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
