I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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