I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i was born a porn star she said
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
