My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
