I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
