We won't sleep together?
My hand turned me down
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
