Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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