I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
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she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
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That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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