he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
