there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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