Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
