TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
