It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
