just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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