i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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