she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
