is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
