Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
