I'll bet she douches with gravy.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
