Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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