Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
