apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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