So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
