he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
