He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
