Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
