Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just high enough for therapy.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
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