She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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