11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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